Tuesday, February 8, 2011

World, World, World... Are U There ??

Do you care....???   Anybody else have this feeling or experience....????

I have messed up on two quilted art items which I submitted to a curator and to an Ohio museum.  They hung for about 12-14 months.  And then I failed to pick up postal delivery attempts to my home and work... and they've gone back to sender.   My curator/friend was about 110% mad after her three attempts and threatened a lawyer help reject the package at her postoffice.  I told her to have the post office give it away as a random act of kindness...    WHY   its' not a thorn in my side!   All of my own making... and failure.  

Why,  or Why.   Somewhere - deep seated within me... I didn't feel confident or equal to speaking up front and up right.   No mind you I have no verbal backbone in any other entity that crosses my path!  But the magnitute of the museum project and WCQN really "PALED" me.  Made me shy.. and I don't know why.   LACK OF CONFIDENCE is all I know.

Every other artist looks so accomplished in person, on their website, background...professionalism.  I think I'm waiting to become accomplished after I retire and persue quilting as my full time passion.  Kinda of a little fish in a big pond syndrome... but I never want to stay little.  I want to achieve... I reached out and tried.  I did the quilt art...   then messed over deadlines... as if to disqualify myself.

Oh, is there the underneath depression and stress of living diabetically... day in day out...   Along with working some-odd 30 yrs....aging into the unknown/upcoming 60ish.   OK stop the madness.  Remember the Lord God whom I serve is bigger and better than all my problems.   It does hamper me though.   Few quilters speak of such things.    

Oh well, this is my TRUE CONFESSIONS for today.   Off to retrieve my Obama Quilt


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